Half​-​Cocked

by Flaccid Palms

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04:04
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04:59
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04:07
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released February 14, 2012

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Flaccid Palms Melbourne, Australia

Flaccid Palms grew out of the remains of Proverbial Storm, a parody band formed by Adrian Smallgoods, Thelonius "T-Funk" Rütenblau and Robert P. Brasscock during high school. The band continues to hold its tongue firmly in cheek as it explores the musical depths of 80s synth pop and New Wave sounds. ... more

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Track Name: I Only Want You (When I'm Drunk)
Got something to tell you
There's a weight on my chest
When it comes to girls
Baby, you're not the best

It's just liquid courage
I need the confidence
Because without it
You'd never even have a chance

When I'm sober you're a six or a seven
But after twelve beers you go straight to eleven

I only want you when I'm drunk
In the light of day baby, there's no way
I only want you when I'm drunk
It's not you dear it's only the beer

I went out for beers
My friends told me to chug
Now I'm calling you up
You're like some kind of ugly drug

It may sound insulting
But don't take it badly
After a few beers
I want to do you madly

I only want you when I'm drunk (Ooh when I'm drunk)
In the light of day baby, there's no way (There's no way, there's no way, there's no way)
I only want you when I'm drunk (When I'm drunk, when I'm drunk)
It's not you dear it's only the beer (It's only ever the beer)
Track Name: Devil Woman
Devil woman, she'll steal your soul
Heed my warning, now you've been told
Satan's bride, she's coming for you
Run and hide, there's nothing you can do

Devil woman, she'll play the field
Once she casts her spell you must yield
To her power, her black magic
Consequences will only be tragic

Every moment that you try to escape her
Is a moment that she'll try to break ya

Devil woman
She's a devil woman
Come to steal your heart away

Devil woman
She's a devil woman
You better believe what I say

Devil woman, I'm coming for you
To save men from the evil you do
I'm your foe, I'll be your destroyer
And send you back to your employer

Devil Woman, your game is up
I've got love gun aimed straight at your heart
Resist if you can its fatal charm
No longer will you do them more harm

Devil Woman
She's a devil woman
Destroyed by love she can't deny (She's a devil woman)

Devil woman
She's a devil woman
Forever trapped she'll never die (She's a Jezebel)

Where's your heart!? Where's your heart!?
Track Name: Whipped
We ain't seen him for weeks
Since he got a girl he never gets a chance to speak
She's taking over his world
He can't make his own decisions
He has to check with her

She likes to play the game
She messes with his head
He hasn't been the same
They go out everyday
But she says that he's neglecting her
What can he say?

He's whipped
He's got no control
She has him whipped
He's got no say at all

She tells him where to go
She tells him everything he can and cannot do
We were going to a bar
But she said you cannot go
He's a peasant, she's the Tsar

Enough was enough
He said we need to talk
Things were getting rough
The verdict was in
He had to let her go
He couldn't let her win

He had to learn it the hard way
So listen to what he does say
Love is a two-way street
There's no "U" in "me"
So make sure you heed this lesson
Next time you think you're transgressin'
Love is a two-way street

He's whipped
He's got no control
(Yeah!) She has him whipped
He's got no say at all (Oh no no)

He's whipped
He's got no control
(Tell me why!) She has him whipped
He's got no say at all (Oh, none at all...no say)

Oh, to be whipped
It's not nice being whipped
Track Name: Soccer Mum
I see you driving in your box of steel
It's a shame you can barely drive it
You say you need it for rugged suburbs
All those hills and shit

You want to get your own way
You'll never take the blame
Everything's your god-given right because...

You're a soccer mum
You're a soccer mum
No one struggles like you do
We might not know what it's like but
At least we're not like you

I don't know why you deserve sympathy
The name Aimmmmee is not spelled with four m's
It's just as bad as your friend Carol
Her son is Jaydyn

Out at the shopping centre causing a scene
Your kid is screaming, throwing shit on the floor
You're at the checkout where you bitch and you moan
Always wanting more

Soccer mum
Oh, never take, never take the blame
Track Name: Rootin' for Putin
There's a man you should know
Known throughout the land
He's as strong as a bear
Can kill with one hand
Russia's greatest hero
Legend of the KGB
He's a man to be feared
The man I want to be

Everyone is rooting for Putin
Everyone is glad for Vlad
Drink a shot of vodka
Put some borscht on your plate
We're rooting for Putin today

In his spare time he sings
He should be top of the charts
On the weekends he paints
He's a man of the arts
He takes down mafia scum
Goes diving for treasure
He practices judo on bears for pleasure

Everyone is rooting for Putin
Everyone is glad for Vlad
Drink a shot of vodka
Put some borscht on your plate
We're rooting for Putin today